Done

C'est finis... as the French say.

I finished class yesterday and work today. It feels good. I worked hard this semester and learned a lot. I did pretty well academically too. It was fun, but I'm glad the coursework is over for the semester. I had this real bitch of a project I was working on the last three days. But it's done.

I worked the last two nights and this morning. So w/ school and everything I've had quite a few fourteen hour days as of late. Now I just get to rest and have Christmas. It feels good.

Alright gonna go work out. Haven't gotten to the last two days.

Btw still gonna make that good post, probs tonight or tomorrow.

Keep it real

The Future

So lately I've been filling in my picture of what my future will look like. Before this year my image of the future was blurry at best. I spent most of time in denial that I would ever have to grow up and find something to make a living at. I had all sorts of fantasies about running away to be a ski bum in the mountains, trying to become a fitness model, or going over seas to play international rugby.
But now that I'm studying math again it's like I've found my first love again. I find that the intellectual rigor of math engages me in the way no other subject really can. It feels good to continually be learning and to push myself to do so.

Ideally I'd be a math professor someday, preferably at a large research type institution. But sometimes I doubt myself. For some reason I don't have that much confidence in my abilities--which is stupid because I have no reason to think I'm not cut out for it. In fact some of my profs have said they think I have what it takes to be a successful math graduate student. But I worry sometimes that my lack of background in certain areas of mathematics will hold me back.

So I have this one prof that I have been getting to know. He's a really cool guy. Normal, not geeky, smart, explains abstract concepts in a way that a high schooler could understand, and above all he's not cocky, at all.
He showed us this mathematical card trick in class one day for fun and said if anyone could figure it out he'd treat them to lunch...
I figured it out in about ten minutes and like a week later someone else figured it out.
So I was reading up on him last night and figured out that he's actually a pretty big deal in math. He got his PhD in math from MIT and has served as the chief editor for a pretty big math journal and sits on a bunch of editorial boards. He also has some big title at my university. Sort of intimidating, but you wouldn't guess it at all from the way he acts.

Anyways.
If you haven't figured it out I'm not at the same school I used to be at. The University I'm going to now has some serious connections, its a top school in math, especially for certain subfields of it.
And for those of you interested the types of math I'm attracted to is mostly abstract stuff. I tried taking a math finance course this year but dropped after the second week b/c it was so boring (for me at least...no offense intended).

So yea I spend a good chunk of my day wondering if I can cut it in a very competitive field. I spose all I can really do is work hard, talk to my professors, keep doors open, and hope for the best.

I have a post coming soon which should be pretty good.

Jordan

Update

Hey, not sure if anyone actually will read this, or that they remember me...

Either way I've decided to write an update about my life.

The good news is that I am doing well, quite well. I am in school for mathematics right now and loving it. Sorta dorky of me I suppose, but I have always been attracted to math. I remember when I was like in 5th grade I started doing simple geometric proofs for fun. I figure that I'm lucky to find something like math intrinsically rewarding, so I might as well pursue it. I'm filling in some gaps in my undergrad math education (stuff that physics didn't cover), but am taking some grad classes at the same time. I'm not sure yet what I'm gonna do with it. part of me wants to get a PhD in Math, but if I don't I could always go work for an engineering firm, go into finance, or work for the gov't.

Don't worry though, I haven't turned into a nerd... I'm still the strapping young athletic man I've always been.
It's actually sort of amusing b/c in my math classes I feel quite out of place. Everyone is either from some part of Asia or India or they are exceptionally nerdy. I'm sure people overlook me in class because they think I'm some frat boy who has no place in math. Maybe I am haha.... not sure yet.

But yea its finals week, almost done. It's been a busy semester, but definitely worth it.

So i reread some of my prior posts, and some of my more recent ones were negative, to say the least. It's cool to see how much my attitude has changed. Yes I made some ill thought out decisions, yes coming out didn't go how I thought it would, however those are just minor set backs in life. I'm realizing that I'm still young enough to make what I want out of life. It's not too late for me. I'm doing well in my math classes and have impressed some of my professors. There is--I think and I hope--a place for me in this world.

As for the boy situation... no luck. Not sure when/if its ever going to happen. But I'm not sure it's worth worrying about things that I can't control. I'll just try and be a better person and hopefully someday something will work out.

Hope you're all doing well