To clarify

Before I continue I want to say thanks to everyone who's been following me and commenting on my blog lately. You folks have some really good advice, and more than anything I value the encouragement: you're awesome!!!

some questions arose in the comments to the last blog, and I want to state some things which will hopefully bring clarity:


-- My rants against 'Christains' are really rants about the people that I'm surrounded by. I am not saying that all Christians are hateful or that Christianity is a stupid in itself. I am saying that Christianity has been hijacked by hateful people.

I do not despise religion, in fact to a degree I'm still religious. I have a hard time calling myself a Christian because I cognitively associate the term 'Christian' with a lot of horrible things, but this does not mean that I am not a Christian. In fact it is the teachings of the bible (especially regarding love, grace, and inclusion) that have radically shaped my outlook on life.

--After I graduate I plan on taking the next year off of school to apply for PHd programs in grad school. I will probably be living in my current city during that year. I plan on living only with people who will be okay with me being gay and potentially acting on my gayness. Basically I want to feel like I can bring a guy/bf over to my place without feeling uncomfortable. I know several people i could live with who would be cool with that, so I'm in decent shape there.

My city is pretty big... Well big enough that there are a bunch of gay bars and a gay street and everything... so there are enough gay peeps here for me to meet (i hope)

As for grad school i'm looking into several schools in cali, others on the east coast. but Cali has good programs in what i'd be interestedin doing, and cali seems like a sort of gay haven...

--I'm definitely going to talk to the cute kid from class... I saw him on Friday, I had just got done biking to school and he was at this table talking to someone. I was walking by pretty quickly, and usually, with most guys, you'd just say hi... but he started talking to me, and it got awkward. i dunno, that was a horrible explanation, but basically my gaydar is screaming....

And he's not ur stereotypical gay either, he's really cute but athletic looking and not very effeminate... I kind of sense that he's sensitive tho...

but yea i wanna get to know him, at least be his friend and maybe more.

frick i'll post about him latter this week after we have class... there's so much to say (although not much has happened)




so yeah there's three points of clarification...

Again thank you all for interacting with me, you're awesome.


on another note...

I really really want to be physically intimate with another guy...

even kissing and cuddling

I want it really bad. I think it's a strange combo between being horny and lonely. Hornly? i dunno. but I've never had anything like that my whole life, and I want/need it.

I suppose Aaron did kinda cuddle with me tonight. I was taking a rest (stomach down) and he like, jumped on top of me. It pretty much would have been sex if we were naked haha.... but yea

It felt really good. but it wasn't ultimately fulfilling because for me it lacked that romantic aspect (he has a gf afterall).

But yeah, only if i could kiss him, and cuddle with him w/o worrying about how touching or cuddling with him is too gay...


anyways,

your Friend

Jordo

Things That Piss me OFF

1. Most Christians

by most Christians I really mean most Christians that I'm around. They are hypocritical, unthoughtful, unreflective, and self-righteous sons and daughters of bitches. The offspring of Babylon if you will (pardon the biblical reference).

Ok maybe I'm being a little reactionary, but have patience with me... I'm in a figurative shit hole.

A lot of people at this school have been raised in Christendom--that beast which has created a set of orthodoxical dogmas and orthopraxical expectations, which serve more to justify a white, heterosexual, American, and middle class lifestyle rather than actually do justice to the message of the bible.

NO one dare question any position or lifestyle, not because it's wrong to do so, but because it's so against the norm that Christendom has come to accept as objectively and universally true.

And homosexuality.... that's right out of the fucking question. If i stood up in an assembly said 'i'm gay' people could handle that, because they would dismiss me as a sinner and refer me to counseling. However, if i stood up and said 'I'm gay and there's nothing wrong with it' people would be so awestruck and dumbfounded they wouldn't even be able to speak. I would not be referred to counseling, instead everyone would just go on talking as if I said nothing. I'd be ignored because they'd consider me insane. I might as well say, 'i believe in purple unicorns'...Both statements have similar truth value for many Christians here.

2. Christians censoring shit

My school blocks some websites: File sharing sites, porno sites, and, most recently, gay networking sites.

I joined a decent networking site and was just looking to meet some people. I'm not looking to hookup with anyone, just meet people... who knows, maybe fall in love... jk

but yea so now that site is blocked by my school
It wasn't even a sketchy site. No nudes no nothing... just gay guys trying to befriend each other.

here's what gets me, i think they blocked it after it started getting hits from my computer. They probably saw this site was getting hits and then were like, 'shit can't let the faggots meet eachother!!!' ass holes

so i'm probably being monitored who knows... this site might be next

they won't stop me though... internet is everywhere.


3. the fact that if I did happen to meet a gay guy here nothing will come of it

So.... there's this super cute guy in one my classes. really sweet. I'll write more about him latter. But i have decent reason to assume he's gay or at least interested in me.

Here's the thing though: as long as i'm in this atmosphere nothings gonna come of it because it's not like I can just walk up and be like 'so... are you gay' and even if something did happen, it'd have to happen underground. What bullshit.
Apparently fantasy is far as one can get under this oppressive regime...




allright there are more things that frustrate me, but i've gotta go.


an underground and frustrated queer,

Jordo

Head Injuries, Stupid Christians, ADD, and Aaron

So yea, I haven't posted in a couple days and feel like i should, so here we go.
This will probably be more like a stream of consciousness than my other posts (which are often quite deliberate). I also might have a concussion, so bare with me.

I've been frustrated and tired lately. I can barely do any home work because I can't concentrate. As I mentioned before I think I have ADD, and ADD is exacerbated by stress and depression. I wouldn't say I'm super down at the moment but I think I am suffering from the long term effects of stress and depression... and part of me feels that this stress and depression is rooted predominantly in me being a closeted gay guy in a homophobic environment.

I'm really itching to get out of the closet. In fact all I can think about lately is the issues relating to my homosexuality. It doesn't help that everywhere I go homosexuality is brought up. Whether people are joking around, talking about news, talking about religion, or talking about my school's policy homosexuality is always brought up. I can't go a day without hearing people talk about homosexuality. It frustrates me how I never really reveal myself in regards to this issue. I can sit there and debate and dialogue people, listen to insults, or hear stories of coming out but I never reveal myself. It's really frustrating and it's all getting bottled up inside me. Someday i might just explode.

Hell my school is holding this 'forum' which is gonna bring in this speaker who is in favor of 'ex-gay programs' and 'reparative therapy': what bullshit. I don't want to rant too long about this, but it really gets me. It feels like a slap in the face. Like, "all you gays (if you're even out there) should come and let us fix you." arrogant pricks telling people what to do even though they don't understand the first thing about being gay.

I mostly feel bad for any gay person who goes to that event and then gets it into their head that they can change themselves if they pray hard enough. they'll most likely waste countless years denying a part of themselves. A part of themselves that there is nothing wrong with and in fact is beautiful and God given. I'm thankful that i never really felt guilty about being gay, because the social pressure is enough to deal with. But i know everyone is not that fortunate...

If you're reading this I want you to know that if you're gay there is nothing wrong with you; don't let anyone fix you or tell you to change who you are. Don't be afraid of they're fear mongering language. They may tell you it's a sin and that you'll go to hell or that you are diseased and broken, but they're wrong. You're perfectly fine as you are, believe in yourself. If you're struggling with believing that you are fine as you are please write me a message or check out my links on the right hand side of the page. I'd be happy to share with why I think there's nothing wrong with you.


ok, that rant aside

It also seems to me that more and more people are 'Coming Out', and in rather public ways.
It makes me feel like a chicken and a fraud to sit here and watch people stand up for themselves and what they believe in while I hide in this closet.


on a lighter note my team had a big game this weekend against a rival school. we won 28-10, it was awesome. Because of it our standing in our union is going to improve, which is great. I played pretty well and it was a blast. I tackled a guy really hard and now may or may not have a concussion... oh well.

hung out with Aaron quite a bit this weekend. Damn he's a cutie. I guess we're thinking about living together next year.. so yea, what do you folks think? good idea? bad idea?
I feel like i need to come out to him first, but i'm scared of that. advice?

I've decided I don't want to have a romance with him, i just wanna be his friend. But i'm scared to come out to him cause i don't know how I'd answer the question "do you like me in that way?" i feel the answer could destroy our friendship.

hope you found this rambling post worthwhile,

Jordo

Closets, Sin, Coming Out, and Grace

It's early in the morning now and I can't sleep.

I've been writhing around in bed thinking about the place I am in my life. I'm feeling pretty shitty right now about my current status. I've spent 4 years at this university and don't feel like I've done anything of meaning with my life. I suppose I have been educated, I have done well in academics, and I've done well in athletics but it all doesn't seem that meaningful, it just doesn't seem worth it.

The thought that I've spent my whole college carrier hiding my true self and never truly expressing my feelings makes my stomach turn. Like WTF have I been doing? Often I wish I had never come here in the first place. I wish I would have come out right at the beginning of college and left this institution. I suppose I learned a lot, but the price I've had to be for being in a Christian environment has been worth what I've gained.

I don't even feel it was worth meeting my supposed 'friends'. These people often cause me more torment than relief due to their ignorant and intolerant viewpoints. Every time one of them makes a gay joke and every time I hear some one bashing homosexuality a little part of me dies inside. It hurts me to see how little people actually care to stop offending homosexual people. Even the administration at my school doesn't do shit.

All in all I feel as if I've screwed up the last few years of my life. I've failed to do anything concrete and meaningful with my life and only managed to skim past this time by using hollow friendships and a hiding my true self.

I know this is depressing, but It's how I feel and I want to be truthful to that....


Sooo... the potentially uplifting side of my post...

I was reading through some files on my computer and came across this one it's called You Are Accepted. It's a sermon by Paul Tillich, who was heavily influenced by Kierkegaard and Heidegger.

Now before all you atheists dismiss this as religious babble, I think that Tillich's formulation of sin as 'separation from each other' and grace as an 'accepting of oneself' is valuable to both theists and atheists. I could be wrong so don't hold it against me, but I thought it was relevant given my state and more generally our lot as gay persons.

I think it is easy given our social status as gay persons to feel rejected, scorned, undervalued, isolated, and even begin to hate ourselves. This estrangement is an aspect of the notion of 'sin' which Tillich explicates--sin is a separation from others as well as from ourselves. However there is hope for 'where sin abounds grace does also'. When we are afflicted by the pains and injustices of sin there is also a positive force in our lives (whether that be God, the Ground of our Being, or something arising from our hearts) which can communicate to us pure and unadulterated grace. This grace tells us simply that we are accepted as we are; we are accepted as the gay mother fuckers we are and nothing can change that. Even though society rejects us, even though religion damns us, even though we at times despise ourselves we are nevertheless accepted. For all of you theists out there it can be expressed simply by saying "God loves you". There is no after thought and there is no condition upon which that love is received, it just is the case that you are fine as you are.

I like Tillich's message, though I am not sure I can apply it to my life successfully at all times. Often I do not feel accepted. However, sometimes the light breaks through the clouds and I can feel that acceptance. I can feel again that life as-it-is is a blessing. Even though I may have regrets and even though I despise what my life has become in these moments I can be lifted up and suspended by grace--revived by the notion that my life is fine as it is, that I am loved and valued, and that nothing can take that away from me.

I'm not sure if I'm having one of those moments, but I really need it... And I dunno, maybe all that acceptance talk is just fancy words to make you feel better with no grounding in reality. But part of me hopes there's something more to it. I just don't know how to feel that acceptance all the time, especially when my environmental factors communicate the opposite of acceptance to me.

Perhaps what I really need to come out is the knowledge and feeling that I am accepted regardless of if others accept me.

Let me know what you think.

Jordan

If you look at porn don't leave it up on your computer

Given the title of this post you may be wondering if was outed do to the fact someone found porn on my computer. FYI I wasn't.... although that would sure make coming out an easier decision for me.

Last night Jeff and I (my roommate from last year whom I'm out to) we're driving in the car to go chill with Aaron. That's when Jeff was like, "I don't want to make this awkward so I'll just say it. I don't care if you look at porn on your computer, just don't leave it up there."

He was prompted to say this because he visits my place a lot and has a habit of using my computer pretty much every visit. Lately I've been leaving up my blogger windows on the computer... and well...i guess some porn... but anyways whenever he's about to use my computer I freak out and tell him that I have something I need to save on the computer and grab it before he can see all the shit I opened up. I do this because (a) I don't want him finding my blog (I don't know why, he wouldn't care, I suppose mainly cause he doesn't know about Aaron) and (b) I don't want him or my roommate (not out to him) seeing the porn that I look at.

So yeah. Apparently he used my computer while I was in the shower and found the porn I had up on it. That combined with the fact that I never let him look at my computer before closing some windows led him to think I was non-discretely looking at porn all the time. So he confronted me.

At first he thought that the only thing I had been doing on the computer has been looking up porn. So I hesitated for a little and then told him about this blog. I didn't give him the URL, and he even said he didn't want to read it and be intrusive. He told me he thinks it's a good idea and supports it wholeheartedly.

As an aside, I was kind of ashamed when he brought up the fact that I do look at porn. I'm not ashamed to look at porn on my own, but when the fact that I look at gay porn is externalized, I feel a little embarrassed. I suppose It's because of the social status of gay porn. In my environment straight porn is looked down upon, and gay porn, that's straight from hell. So talking about the fact that I look at gay porn made me feel nervous/ashamed/weird/uncomfortable, not because I think it's wrong, but because a lot of the people I know and have been raised upon (save Jeff and Chris and a couple others) would condemn me for it. That being said most people might feel a little awkward talking about porn with a friend, just because sexuality is something which is very personal.

As far as the porn goes though, perhaps it's not all that bad. I was raised by a culture which took porn to be the crowning glory of a depraved and morally degenerate society. Although there is truth in the fact that random sex isn't all that great, I have found that looking at porn has been a means of sexual discovery. I don't mean to glorify porn and say that it's the best thing since sliced bread, but after being raised in an overly prude enviroment porn has been a vesel of sexual liberation. I suppose you could even say that it has communicated grace to me; it has affirmed my feelings and hopes that our sexuality and physicality is not meant to be ignored, bottled up, and shut down but instead it should be celebrated and taken account of.

There is a tendency to over-sexualize everything or to not sexualize anything. Some people in our culture are err to the former, many Christians in our society are err to the latter.

Being raised in an under-sexualized environment I think porn has had the effect of moving me away from that extreme.... As Aristotle argues, there is virtue in moderation....

That point aside.... I look at more pics of hot buff guys in their twenties than i look at porn. There is something about a good looking guy which just makes my day a little easier....
exhibit a:


You think He's gay???
Does this mean I have to put an adult content advisory on my blog now? I hope not


oh... and some of you sent me e-mails... I greatly appreciate them, and I'm happy to communicate with you... I'm just kind of behind in responding them, so yeah, there'll be somewhat of a delay in my responses, but I'll get back to you, eventually.
Feel free to add me on msn chat tho, my screen name is my email. If you add me and i don't know who you are, it'd be nice if you sent me an email first so i have some kind of reference (If I don't know who you are I may not add you)

g2g,
Much love

Jordo

Come Out Come out wherever you are????

I thought I would post a quick update to give folks something to read. However it's late and I'm kind of drunk, so I'll keep this short...

a couple of things that have happened over the last couple days have really got me thinking about what it would be like to come out... here they are:
______
Went out drinking with the HS buddies tonight. It's been a while since I've seen them. It was good to go to the bar, chat, and drink with 'em. But the revelry we had for old times sake is not my concern. We we're talking about our circle of friends and how everyone was doing and a rumor was brought up that one of my HS buddies had sex with another guy the other week. Apparently he did it just to try it. After a couple of jokes at his expense most people said that they really didn't give a shit but were more surprised than anything. He's had sex with gals too, so then we debated about whether or not he was gay or bi, or whatevs...

All this got me thinking... why the fuck don't i come out of the closet? my HS friends won't give a shit... hell they probably excpet it. i was kind of jealous of my friend who had reckless sex with another guy for no other reason than that it was so easy for him to tell other people about it. sSo yea i thik im gonna come out to my Hs friends soon.
____

Yesterday heard word from my aunt that my cuz (the one who is gay and moved far away because of the way his family dealt with him) is coming back to town realatively soon. He's got a BF and they're visiting our fam and such.
I am not out to my cuz, but hearing that he had a bf and was coming back really made me want to reconnect with him. I've never actually gotten to talk with him about being gay, and never really clarified to him that i really accept him as a person and that i support his decision to have a bf. I think he always assumed that (a) i am straight and (b) i don't support homosexuality. Neither of these are true, and i wish i could let him know that.

I'm proud of him whether or not he knows it... coming back into town to be with his fam again and have his bf with him... that takes courage. In some ways i'm jealous, but more than anything i want to let him know that i'm happy for him and let him know i'm gay. maybe he could help me out????
____

last night Chris and i were supposed to hang out but things fell through. I was gonna go to his bud's place and chill with them, and then, apparantly, we were supposed to go to ______ (a gay bar near where i live). Chris and his GF apparantly like going to said bar and were just gonna go to chill. At first i was really excited (even tho a bar isn't the best place to meet a guy and i had no intention of hooking up). i really wanted to just know there were other gay guys out there. but then our plans fell through, so that sucked, but whatevs.

_____

It feels like in general that i cannot make it through a single day without the issue of homosexuality being brought up for some reason or another. either it's in the news, a debate amongst friends, friends talking about other friends, family members, ect. It's everywhere. Every time I hear it talked about it pushes me one step closer to the edge of coming out.... and right now i can see myself looking over the edge about ready to jump out of the f---ing closet....

right now i'm not that scared... even to tell aaron. i just have this feeling that there are a lot of people out there who will accept me, and that it will work out allright.
my biggest worry is about my rents, but i'll deal with that another time

sleep beckons

peace

Jordo

Match Makers?

Hey all,

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I've been busy with school and rugby and shit. I've also had a ridiculously difficult time focusing on anything for more than ten minutes for the past week or so, which has made sitting down and writing this blog difficult.

I think I have ADD. I once asked my mom if she thought I might have some attention disorder and she said that she thinks I've had ADD my whole life... so yeah, I should go get some drugs, they might help me w/ school.

Anyways... Thanks to all of you who posted on my last comment. I know it may have been a little abrasive, but hell, I'm abrasive at times, it's just being honest.

I'm gonna write an apology to my previous post some time. By apology I mean, as in the classical sense, an explanation and defense of my position. I'm not sure people really understood what I was saying, but whatevs.. that's for another day... time to blog about my personal life.


So, yeah... my life.
This weekend my body took a huge beating from rugby, but I played well. Scored a Try and made some sweet tackles.

I hung out with Aaron a fair deal this weekend. Friday night it was just me and him chilling. We had nothing to do so we ended up going for a drive around town. We went and got some food at a local diner and just talked. It was awesome. I don't know why but talking to him comes easy--it flows well. Talking to him one on one makes me happy.

The rest of the weekend most of the time I was around Aaron he was with his GF. As much as I wish I could forgo my feelings for Aaron in favor of our friendship I still feel quite jealous when I see them cuddling with each other. I wish it would be me instead of her by his side, I wish it was me he kissed, and I wish I could express my love for him.

Sometimes i get really frustrated with Aaron cause it feels like I'm getting used. He always asks me to hang out and I think enjoys having me around. I go along with him because I care for him. But often I end up not feeling fulfilled by whatever it is we're doing. I don't often get the love that I desire to receive. He gets to cuddle and be intimate with his GF and I get nothing except for a front row seat to the event. It feels like I'm being used for my friendship and compassion, but I'm not being appreciated and loved for the person I am.

At the same time I think Aaron really appreciates my friendship and he does express legitimate concern for me. I just think that a lot of times he just doesn't know how to be a good friend to me.

So yeah, enough about that...

I talked to my former roommate, well call him... Jeff. Jeff was the person I first came out to. He's an awesome guy. He's kind of a hippy--he's got unkempt facial hair, smokes weed, doesn't eat meat, protests war, ect. I came out to him over a year ago, and it was an easy decision because I knew that he would be supportive.

So we were talking and he told me that he thinks I need to get out and meet more gay guys. In fact him and my other friend who knows I'm gay, Chris, had a conversation about how they should 'help' me meet other gay people. Apparently Chris knows some gay people and told Jeff he has 'numbers' he can call for me. I don't know if that means he's gonna set me up on a blind date or that he'll just call people for me to hang out with... On top of that Jeff knows someone whom I suppose could be classified as a 'fag hag' and told her that he knew someone who was in the closet and is looking for gay places to go. She sent him a list of bookstores/coffee/shops/and perhaps even people to look into. There are supposedly 'hot spots' for gay people in the city that I live in and this girl knows them all. So yeah... apparently the few people I'm out to in the world want to hook me up with someone. They've noticed I've been feeling really lonely and think it might be good to get some relational experience. They also want me to stop 'hiding myself' and come out to more people. I think they're probably right and I should both meet more gay people and come out to more people so I don't feel so isolated.

I suppose I have a few reservations about this whole 'get Jordan hitched' scheme. First and foremost I don't fell like I'll fit into the gay culture. I'm definitely not your stereotypical gay person and I have no intention of changing the pitch of my voice, buying a new wardrobe, or altering my manerisms to fit in. But hell, I've never even been to these 'gay hotspots' so how would I know if conformity to a stereotype is the norm at these places? I wouldn't, so perhaps I should observe before I judge.

My second reservation is that I don't feel that great about 'blind dates'. Kind of sketchy if you ask me. I suppose it could be good tho, just to meet someone (not necessarily looking for a romance) and talk about being gay.

Lastly, I'm worried about this whole project because once I start into this 'gay lifestyle' there isn't much turning back. Right now I'm gay I know it. But all of my homosexual feelings and fantasies are in my head, I can control them, and most importantly it hasn't changed my outward life that much. If I start to go on blind dates and hang out at a gay places I'll be leaping into a gay world, outside of my fantasies, and outside of my mind. It's kind of scary.

putting aside my match making dilemma for the moment... I'm still kind of infatuated with Aaron. I really like him and his friendship means a lot to me. Half the time I don't even know why he means so much to me, but he does. I'd far prefer to have a romance with him than have to go on a man hunt to find someone I'm compatible with. I'd rather have a romance develop naturally than have to go out of my way to find love.

I talked to Jeff about Aaron... well I didn't tell him that I like Aaron, I only asked how he thinks Aaron would react if I came out to him. Jeff told me he thinks I should come out to Aaron, and that Aaron would be cool with it because Aaron values me as a friend so much. Jeff realizes that Aaron and I are close and thinks that I almost have a duty to come out to him. [I think I'll write a post sometime soon about the pros and cons for coming out to Aaron, but not now] I think I agree with him. For the first time in a while I feel at peace about coming out to Aaron. I feel I should because if I don't I'm not really letting him be the good friend to me that he could be. If I don't even give him the chance to accept me for who I am it's kind of an insult to him. So I figure before the end of the school year I'll come out to Aaron. Still kind of nervous. Hopefully it will be for the better.

I need to go eat food now,

much love

Jordo

"Marriage= One Man + One Woman"-- unknown farmer

Before i continue to a long, rambly and offensive post i want to say a couple things first.

First, i can't access my Gmail right now because every time i log in it asks me to type in the letters i see (to make sure i'm human), but i never see any letters (help please...)

secondly, thank you to all of you have commented on my last post, it was good reading your encouragements and advice. I'll comment on them latter. you rock!

thirdly, i'm still not out of my rut, but i am feeling a bit better. I am feeling more self-confident if nothing else. I'm still really piss scared about coming out, especially to Aaron. but i'm moving along. hell i almost came out to some one the other night, really should've.

fourthly this post is gonna get long and has at times an angry tone... it also has some philosophical mumbo jumbo in it. i don't know if it makes perfect sense, but have patience with me. my next post will be a little lighter

for your pleasure
________________________________

Last weekend I drove through what would be considered 'hickville'. There were more cows on roids, big trucks, barns, cigarettes, Bush '04 bumper stickers, and mullets than I care to remember. There was a trailer oriented towards the highway to serve as a makeshift billboard upon which was written in red paint [or blood?]:

Abortion=Murder
Marriage=One Man + One Woman


I have a hunch that the novel farmer who set up this trailer intended to do more than merely state what he took to be the analytic meanings of the terms 'Abortion' and 'Marriage'. My focus, obviously, is what exactly was intended, implicitly and explicitly, by the second definition.

Explicitly speaking he is making a claim about the extension of the word marriage: that marriage properly extends only to a pairing of one man and one woman.

Implicitly it would be fair to assume, given the social issues surrounding marriage in our country that the farmer is also making ethical and teleological claims. Ethically speaking his position would undoubtedly be that marriage ought to be between a man and a woman, and furthermore that all sexual and romantic relationships which are akin to marriage ought to be between a man and a woman. Teleologically speaking his position would be that the only natural and wholesome expression of sexuality is found in marriage. Any sexuality which falls outside of marriage between a man and a woman is to be considered degenerate, aberrational, unwholesome, and absent of true human flourishing. To him there is something sanctimonious about a man-woman marital relationship which cannot be emulated by any other coupling of autonomous beings.

Besides being err to the naturalistic fallacy our fellow countryman’s position serves a purpose: to let the reader of the sign know that non-heterosexual relationships do not fit into the category of marriage, and furthermore are morally and socially reprehensible.

I suppose one could argue endlessly, and heedlessly, for or against the truth of said farmer’s position. Upon surveying the fact that many have laid out such arguments I will choose to abstain from such dialogue and instead talk about the actually effects of that sign and everything it stands for.

My position is that trailers painted in favor of ‘traditional marriage’, ‘traditional marriage’ bumper stickers, ‘yes on prop 8’ signs, and all other symbols intending to protect the ‘sanctity of marriage’ appear vitriolic to GLBT persons and as such are extremely psychologically damaging. It may also be added that such signs serve to condone, justify, and even encourage acts of hate and bigotry towards GLBT persons, but such an effect will not be dealt with in length here.

My evidence for my position is the actual experiences of actual homosexual persons, which include my own. Upon reading the sign ‘marriage = one man + one woman’ I was reminded that there are those out there who hate me for what I am. They hate me for being attracted romantically and sexually to men. To them I am unnatural, degenerate, unworthy, ungodly, unholy, sinful, and reprehensible. My desires towards men are not consider beautiful or god-given, but something which I have ‘chosen’ and should be converted away from. Furthermore I am reminded of the many who think that if I pursue a relationship with another man it will not and cannot be good, wholesome, loving, Godly, and conducive to my ultimate good as a human being—in fact I will ‘undoubtedly’ suffer hellfire if I should act upon my desires.

All in all when I read that sign I felt that I was less valued and even unwanted for being gay.

If proponents of ‘family values’ took damage inventory in an unbiased way I think that they would see that all their campaigning and advertisement has, besides from empowering bigots, severely psychologically scarred homosexual persons with feelings of guilt, hate, estrangement, and isolation.

I earnestly desire that such people would have to sit down and hear the stories of homosexual persons, read blogs like ours, and actually hear the pain behind all the banter. I wish that such pain would be uncovered so that the true injustice of anti-gay politics would be revealed.

The strongly held opinion that ‘marriage = one man + one woman’ and all its corollaries is not a mere idea with no outpouring into the real world. Instead it is an idea which directly affects persons, predominantly homosexual persons, in a negative way. It is the source of much psychological distress, sexual repression, and self-harm. It is the spawn of much hate, bigotry, and social discrimination.

When ‘family values’ are preached families will be broken apart.
When the ‘threat of homosexuals’ is propounded upon there will be threatened homosexuals.
When ‘marriage = man + woman’ is forcefully displayed meaningful homosexual relationships will be averted, loneliness will increase, and there will be many who are never married.

This is all due to the fact that such seemingly analytic statements such as ‘marriage = man + woman’ are not harmless ideologies, but socially meaningful statements which communicate hate and exclusion towards homosexuals

Enough of that rant

Jordan