Last night Jeff and I (my roommate from last year whom I'm out to) we're driving in the car to go chill with Aaron. That's when Jeff was like, "I don't want to make this awkward so I'll just say it. I don't care if you look at porn on your computer, just don't leave it up there."
He was prompted to say this because he visits my place a lot and has a habit of using my computer pretty much every visit. Lately I've been leaving up my blogger windows on the computer... and well...i guess some porn... but anyways whenever he's about to use my computer I freak out and tell him that I have something I need to save on the computer and grab it before he can see all the shit I opened up. I do this because (a) I don't want him finding my blog (I don't know why, he wouldn't care, I suppose mainly cause he doesn't know about Aaron) and (b) I don't want him or my roommate (not out to him) seeing the porn that I look at.
So yeah. Apparently he used my computer while I was in the shower and found the porn I had up on it. That combined with the fact that I never let him look at my computer before closing some windows led him to think I was non-discretely looking at porn all the time. So he confronted me.
At first he thought that the only thing I had been doing on the computer has been looking up porn. So I hesitated for a little and then told him about this blog. I didn't give him the URL, and he even said he didn't want to read it and be intrusive. He told me he thinks it's a good idea and supports it wholeheartedly.
As an aside, I was kind of ashamed when he brought up the fact that I do look at porn. I'm not ashamed to look at porn on my own, but when the fact that I look at gay porn is externalized, I feel a little embarrassed. I suppose It's because of the social status of gay porn. In my environment straight porn is looked down upon, and gay porn, that's straight from hell. So talking about the fact that I look at gay porn made me feel nervous/ashamed/weird/uncomfortable, not because I think it's wrong, but because a lot of the people I know and have been raised upon (save Jeff and Chris and a couple others) would condemn me for it. That being said most people might feel a little awkward talking about porn with a friend, just because sexuality is something which is very personal.
As far as the porn goes though, perhaps it's not all that bad. I was raised by a culture which took porn to be the crowning glory of a depraved and morally degenerate society. Although there is truth in the fact that random sex isn't all that great, I have found that looking at porn has been a means of sexual discovery. I don't mean to glorify porn and say that it's the best thing since sliced bread, but after being raised in an overly prude enviroment porn has been a vesel of sexual liberation. I suppose you could even say that it has communicated grace to me; it has affirmed my feelings and hopes that our sexuality and physicality is not meant to be ignored, bottled up, and shut down but instead it should be celebrated and taken account of.
There is a tendency to over-sexualize everything or to not sexualize anything. Some people in our culture are err to the former, many Christians in our society are err to the latter.
Being raised in an under-sexualized environment I think porn has had the effect of moving me away from that extreme.... As Aristotle argues, there is virtue in moderation....
That point aside.... I look at more pics of hot buff guys in their twenties than i look at porn. There is something about a good looking guy which just makes my day a little easier....
exhibit a:
You think He's gay???Does this mean I have to put an adult content advisory on my blog now? I hope not
oh... and some of you sent me e-mails... I greatly appreciate them, and I'm happy to communicate with you... I'm just kind of behind in responding them, so yeah, there'll be somewhat of a delay in my responses, but I'll get back to you, eventually.
Feel free to add me on msn chat tho, my screen name is my email. If you add me and i don't know who you are, it'd be nice if you sent me an email first so i have some kind of reference (If I don't know who you are I may not add you)
g2g,
Much love
Jordo
14 comments:
I like to look at young buff guys. They don't have to be gay for me to like them. Just young, trim and good looking, and preferable nude.
Your photo. I don't know if he's gay, but I think he knows he's posing for a gay online audience.
I think the guy poses like that for money, that's what I think, lol!
One problem is the term "porn" itself. Apparently it is used to refer to everything from a picture of a good looking guy without a shirt to a video of two guys loudly engaged in anal intercourse.
From a Christian point of view whether it is acceptable viewing depends to a considerable extent on the person looking at it. The basic principle we gather from the Sermon on the Mount is that looking at another with lust is wrong. So if the shirtless hunk arouses lust in someone, It is wrong to look at it. If someone can look at the intercourse vid without lust, then it is not inherently wrong. Obviously if the purpose of looking at something is to be moved to ejaculation, from a Christian perspective it seems to me that that is not only looking with lust, but seeking an opportunity for lust.
But there is more to it than that. There is the inherent nature of what the person(s) in the photos and videos are doing for the camera.
IMO, all sexual activity between two members of the same sex is wrong. Since the user of that sort of porn is in fact encouraging the activity depicted, the viewer takes on some guilt along with those actually participating in the production.
Then there is the matter of the intent of those producing the material. If they intend to appeal to the lust of the viewers, than they are trying to provoke sin, and using their product encourages them to continue on their evil path.
So even if what you look at does not provoke lust in your heart, there are other ramifications to consider.
So called "Lust" is a natural biological function, and it is crazy to debate whether or not it is sinful. That is but one reason to doubt the authenticity of Christianity, which frames lust as a choice or evil to be avoided. You can't avoid it, really. There would not be a human race without lust.
If you want your privacy with blogging or porn you just can't leave those things up on your computer. Also, don't forget to clear your history and temp files each time.
However, it seems strange to me for your friend to tell you to close down anything on YOUR computer that he is using. Why can't he just use his own computer?
I tend to look at more pics of cute guys than outright porn too. Defo makes my day a little easier. :) And now that i've got an iPhone, I am never far from a cute guy to lift my spirits. :p Maybe i'm just depraved...lol
Mmmn, everyone's using this term 'pormography' as though you know what it means.
I don't. Seriously, I can't define pornography.
What do you all mean?
Hmm...
No fisting/S&M/nasty/kinky gay porn clips I hope.
Lol...
Thanks a bunch dude. I linked to you also.
MSN chat sometime?
I guess I am a bit of an addict, so my comments would not be really applicable....
Actually the addiction is not the porn, but the collection of it.
Kinda like stamp collecting and not using them to post letters.
And yeah, I get more of a lift in spirit from a pic of a buff young guy than outright porn as such.
(Following now btw.. will catch up on yr previous posts as I go)
When a society places norms on what sex is, and turns the opposing norms into taboos sexual repression is inevitable.
When your desires are repressed it leads to certain perversions, not only in the eyes of society but also in your eyes...
for this reason, i cant look at porn either, without feeling ashamed and/or weirded out. so you're not alone in that respect.
But who are you honestly hurting when you look at porn???? So fuck it, I'd leave it running on max volume whenever i invited Jeff over...
Tell Jeff that you need to practice your blow job skills, on him. Cuz friends help one another out.
Google Chrome has a porn function.....
u can open a window and no history, etc. is created, just close the window. done, np
Hear hear on the moderation point.
Jeff sounds like an awesome guy. I'm glad he talked to you about it, and I'm glad you told him about the blog but he wasn't interested in intruding. He's a great friend to be out to methinks.
@ tommy — there is a distinction between sinful lust and sexual attraction. We all find some people attractive. It is a more or less automatic emotional reaction. But sin is an act of the will, a choice. Lust is the choice, the will, to use another person as an object, a thing, for our sexual pleasure — rather than respecting the human dignity of that person and choosing to will what is good for that person.
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