Before I continue I want to say thanks to everyone who's been following me and commenting on my blog lately. You folks have some really good advice, and more than anything I value the encouragement: you're awesome!!!
some questions arose in the comments to the last blog, and I want to state some things which will hopefully bring clarity:
-- My rants against 'Christains' are really rants about the people that I'm surrounded by. I am not saying that all Christians are hateful or that Christianity is a stupid in itself. I am saying that Christianity has been hijacked by hateful people.
I do not despise religion, in fact to a degree I'm still religious. I have a hard time calling myself a Christian because I cognitively associate the term 'Christian' with a lot of horrible things, but this does not mean that I am not a Christian. In fact it is the teachings of the bible (especially regarding love, grace, and inclusion) that have radically shaped my outlook on life.
--After I graduate I plan on taking the next year off of school to apply for PHd programs in grad school. I will probably be living in my current city during that year. I plan on living only with people who will be okay with me being gay and potentially acting on my gayness. Basically I want to feel like I can bring a guy/bf over to my place without feeling uncomfortable. I know several people i could live with who would be cool with that, so I'm in decent shape there.
My city is pretty big... Well big enough that there are a bunch of gay bars and a gay street and everything... so there are enough gay peeps here for me to meet (i hope)
As for grad school i'm looking into several schools in cali, others on the east coast. but Cali has good programs in what i'd be interestedin doing, and cali seems like a sort of gay haven...
--I'm definitely going to talk to the cute kid from class... I saw him on Friday, I had just got done biking to school and he was at this table talking to someone. I was walking by pretty quickly, and usually, with most guys, you'd just say hi... but he started talking to me, and it got awkward. i dunno, that was a horrible explanation, but basically my gaydar is screaming....
And he's not ur stereotypical gay either, he's really cute but athletic looking and not very effeminate... I kind of sense that he's sensitive tho...
but yea i wanna get to know him, at least be his friend and maybe more.
frick i'll post about him latter this week after we have class... there's so much to say (although not much has happened)
so yeah there's three points of clarification...
Again thank you all for interacting with me, you're awesome.
on another note...
I really really want to be physically intimate with another guy...
even kissing and cuddling
I want it really bad. I think it's a strange combo between being horny and lonely. Hornly? i dunno. but I've never had anything like that my whole life, and I want/need it.
I suppose Aaron did kinda cuddle with me tonight. I was taking a rest (stomach down) and he like, jumped on top of me. It pretty much would have been sex if we were naked haha.... but yea
It felt really good. but it wasn't ultimately fulfilling because for me it lacked that romantic aspect (he has a gf afterall).
But yeah, only if i could kiss him, and cuddle with him w/o worrying about how touching or cuddling with him is too gay...
anyways,
your Friend
Jordo
Core memory unlocked!
5 years ago
12 comments:
Sexual frustration!
Been there, still there, and will probably continue being there for awhile.
I feel your pain man.
Good points to make,J!
I can go with all you say (I think!)
Certainly be v good if U could shack up with other gentle people so's you can get some hugs and nookie, even.
I was brought up a Christian and it was the church which pissed me off and, in large measure, still does. I think our friend Ken knows something about this too.
I can't stand bible thumpers. For each bit they say they like I find three I hate. I've met some lovely Christian people - but many think their Church stinks!
Really christians need to sort out Christians.
In the meantime, you need a boy to hug and shag!
Get to it!
jordan
hey cali may seem friendly to gays but new england is better where 3 of the 6 statesallow gay marriage and the others all allow fo rcivil unions i believe so do not give up on east coast grad schools
good luck with your summer plans
take care and be safe
bob
keep at it - you have a great level head and outlook on life - I like the word hornly and now need to make that part of my life
Thanks for the clarification. I think you are right in many ways in saying the faith has been hijacked...more's the pity.
Oh my, faith......I personally think that faith is an individual thing. Christ sought the homeless, the disenfranchised and the unwanted. The poor bible thumpers probably would be very uncomfortable being around him. There are a lot of good church's that are very enclusive, I hope you find one someday and I get the feeling that it is very important for you personally.
I grew up in Southern California......yes it's a great place.....but mind the traffic. It can take forever to get from one place to another, that's one reason when I moved back to the US from England I chose not to live there.....but I do miss it sometimes......especially in the winter.
NOOOO! JORDO DONT BE CHRISTIAN PLEASE!!!! lol
at least you interpret the bible for yourself, thats def a good thing...
HORNLY lulz
I agree... interpreting the bible in your own way is good... most people these days shove their idea -- of what they think is "right" -- down other people's throats...
there are indeed plenty of queers here in california. they're mostly concentrated in san francisco and los angeles though. but they're everywhere as far as i can tell. cept for the little towns in the middle of nowhere and the central valley (conservative part of california).
but other than that, your chances of finding a guy here are very high. but finding one who is intelligent and worldly might be more difficult :x
i know what you mean about NEEDING intimacy with another guy. just think how frustrated, lonely and horny i am at 32 and never having had an intimate moment with a guy. i had a nice chat with Eric at work on friday. while we were talking, the sun was hitting his eyes and hair just right, and he was the most beautiful thing i have ever seen at that moment. i had the strongest urge to grab him, pull him close and give him the most amazing kiss he'd ever had. god, i need to find a boyfriend. if gaydar is real, either mine is broken or was never installed, cos i can't tell another gay guy from the queen of england. i wish you all the best of luck in talking to the cute guy from class! go get him!
Haha I know how the hornliness goes. Pseudo-cuddling with straight boys can be fun but frustrating.
I'm glad you realize that Christianity is about loving God and neighbor, accepting God's love and passing it on, being freed from our sinfulness by Jesus Christ who is risen from the dead and is Lord and Savior — it's not about hating people or trying to remove the speck from their eye while ignoring the plank in our own. Not all who call themselves Christian have fully learned what it means or how to live it. Actually we're all imperfect.
I think that non-sexual intimacy is even more important than sex. Here's hoping you find the love you need.
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