Come Out Come out wherever you are????

I thought I would post a quick update to give folks something to read. However it's late and I'm kind of drunk, so I'll keep this short...

a couple of things that have happened over the last couple days have really got me thinking about what it would be like to come out... here they are:
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Went out drinking with the HS buddies tonight. It's been a while since I've seen them. It was good to go to the bar, chat, and drink with 'em. But the revelry we had for old times sake is not my concern. We we're talking about our circle of friends and how everyone was doing and a rumor was brought up that one of my HS buddies had sex with another guy the other week. Apparently he did it just to try it. After a couple of jokes at his expense most people said that they really didn't give a shit but were more surprised than anything. He's had sex with gals too, so then we debated about whether or not he was gay or bi, or whatevs...

All this got me thinking... why the fuck don't i come out of the closet? my HS friends won't give a shit... hell they probably excpet it. i was kind of jealous of my friend who had reckless sex with another guy for no other reason than that it was so easy for him to tell other people about it. sSo yea i thik im gonna come out to my Hs friends soon.
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Yesterday heard word from my aunt that my cuz (the one who is gay and moved far away because of the way his family dealt with him) is coming back to town realatively soon. He's got a BF and they're visiting our fam and such.
I am not out to my cuz, but hearing that he had a bf and was coming back really made me want to reconnect with him. I've never actually gotten to talk with him about being gay, and never really clarified to him that i really accept him as a person and that i support his decision to have a bf. I think he always assumed that (a) i am straight and (b) i don't support homosexuality. Neither of these are true, and i wish i could let him know that.

I'm proud of him whether or not he knows it... coming back into town to be with his fam again and have his bf with him... that takes courage. In some ways i'm jealous, but more than anything i want to let him know that i'm happy for him and let him know i'm gay. maybe he could help me out????
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last night Chris and i were supposed to hang out but things fell through. I was gonna go to his bud's place and chill with them, and then, apparantly, we were supposed to go to ______ (a gay bar near where i live). Chris and his GF apparantly like going to said bar and were just gonna go to chill. At first i was really excited (even tho a bar isn't the best place to meet a guy and i had no intention of hooking up). i really wanted to just know there were other gay guys out there. but then our plans fell through, so that sucked, but whatevs.

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It feels like in general that i cannot make it through a single day without the issue of homosexuality being brought up for some reason or another. either it's in the news, a debate amongst friends, friends talking about other friends, family members, ect. It's everywhere. Every time I hear it talked about it pushes me one step closer to the edge of coming out.... and right now i can see myself looking over the edge about ready to jump out of the f---ing closet....

right now i'm not that scared... even to tell aaron. i just have this feeling that there are a lot of people out there who will accept me, and that it will work out allright.
my biggest worry is about my rents, but i'll deal with that another time

sleep beckons

peace

Jordo