Crisis Averted

So, talked to Aaron yesterday, he seemed totally normal, so i doubt he found out... of perhaps he did and just doesnt give a shit. Still need 2 comeout to him tho, cant hide this forever, and I dont want to.

In other news I had a fun weekend... hung out with my friend dave who's gay and has a bf on fri night. It was chill we hung and went to the bars, nothing too eventful but good nonethless. Saturday was good too, worked out and relaxed then visited some HS friends. Sunday I woke up at like 11, did some errands, worked, worked out, then watched the game with dave and some other guys. Afterwards we went out to the gay bars and chilled. It was actually pretty fun, didnt really find anyone that I was into tho, so was kinda bummed bout that.
I hope you folks dont get the wrong impression when I say I go to gay bars because
(1) i'm not prowling the gay bars looking for a hookup and doing stupid shit to get in guys pants (2) I'm like definetely not the 'type' that goes to gay bars... like every time i go there people ask me if I'm straight, and sometimes its quite an awkward experience. To be honest the only reason I go is cuz now I've made friends who are gay and like going there. The friends I have made are legit and just guys... into sports, more masculine, and not the type of sleezbags that will take advantage of me. They're good people and its good to be around people I can feel honest around. They have good advice and watchout for me. These guys aren't really easy to find in the gay world, so I'm glad I happened upon them.

but yea, Dave has a bf named ben and, tho they have their issues, are a really good couple. They're insanely cute together and are both quite attractive. Cant say I'm not a bit jealous. Watching them be with eachother sometimes is good for me to see. The way they care about eachother reminds me that I'm not just looking for a sketchy hookup with a guy and would like someone there to care for, to hug, to comfort. At times I'm really close to just saying fuck it and going and hooking up, but my gay friends have all advised me against that and seeing that gay people can have stable realationships is pretty huge for me.
But yea watching them hug eachother last night reminded me of Aaron and how much I wished I cud hold him like that. It reminded that although I'm horny as fuck sometimes, that theres more to me.

hmm... in other news I'm up to 200 lbs of muscle and ran a sub six min mile last week.
I'm like in better shape than i have been in a while. I'm debating about whether or not i should play semi pro rugby or just get in sick shape for my own pleasure. I'm like addicted to working out, but wish i had a discipline to gear my training towards. I miss rugby and just team sports in general.

alright, peace and love folks,
Jordy

A lot to catch ya up on

so, yea... been a while since my last post. I think i go through periods in my life where I really want to blog, but then I'll sit down to write something nd nothing comes out. so yea... sorry to those of my few loyal followers who may or may not be left.

but for any of you out there reading this... overall I'm doing well in my life.
I'll fill you in on the details of what's gone down lately in the next couple posts, but overall I'm feeling happy; I have a job now, been hanging with friends, going on dates, and working out lots. My life is in a better place then its been in for a while.

I'd have to say part of my happiness is due to the fact that i've made some legit gay friends. There was this guy on this one site who I found kinda cute so I messaged him. Turns out he has a bf, but is just looking for friends, so we decided to hang. Turned out to be a pretty cool guy. Fun, nice, and a gay guy I can trust to not take advantage of me haha (which a surprising amount of guys would). So i've hung with him and his friends several times. They're a pretty cool group of gay guys. They're not ur stereotypical fem gay guys (not that that's wrong), but several have played sports and they are just guys. Its been good being around gay guys who can understand what i've been thru, and people i can talk about who i think is cute and stuff without making others uncomfortable.

We go out to the gay bars sometimes which is fun mostly because the group of peopl I go with is a quality group. Going with people who i dont know well or are not quality is no fun, but when you know you have people who got ur back and will protect you from the countless ass holes at gay bars its a little easier to relax.

not gonna lie, there arent really many if any attractive gay guys at the bars... like seriously where the fuck did all the athletes go in the gay community.... probs still closeted. So yea the gay bars are def not a place for me to cruise haha, just a place where i can feel like i'm myself with friends.

other than that i'm not sure what to write at this moment.
still havent come out to Aaron and still have yet to get any action haha... maybe i'll find a bf eventually, prob is i'm too damn picky.
there was this one kid who kinda fell for me and i was kinda into him, but he was way more into me than i was him... so that made me nervous nd i kinda shut that down.

I'll post soon

Jordan

am i gay?

seriously, like wtf...
I've met 5 guys for dates now (including the one guy I made out w/) and have not really found any of them attractive. The one last night was dec looking, but i just wasn't digging him. When i go out and meet gay guys I rarely find them attractive... like maybe 1/30. And right now i feel like I actually don't have a sex drive...
It's really bothering me actually It's like I don't want to do anything sexual with anyone. Maybe it's just cuz i'm tired, I'm not sure.
Also... Last night I found a pair of breasts somewhat attractive... like wtf! Sex drive, please be consistent.
It's weird cuz last week i was unspeakably horny and ready to get it on with guys.

But yea anyways. Last night was good just hung out with this new guy, he's pretty chill and could be a good friend, and maybe more if i start getting attracted to him.

I just feel bad cuz all the guys I meet or go out with seem to be into me and it's never reciprocated. I don't think i can really control who i'm into, but it's kinda frustrating that I'm not into anyone and seem to have no sex drive...

Dangerous Territory

So, meeting guys is turning out to be way more complicated than I anticipated. Apparently gay guys can be just as big as, if not bigger, douches than straight guys are. So yea... where to start...

Last weekend I met this guy through the internet who seemed cool. He wasn't that attractive and I knew I wouldn't be into him, but he wanted to go to the gay bars. I had nothing to do that night so I figured why not and went with it.
The guy was a good guy and I think I'm making good friends with him which is good. He's smart and is a very knowledgeable person when it comes to the gay world, among other things.
As for the gay bar... I felt very out of place there. I was a lot more muscular and bigger than everyone there. I was getting stared at quite a bit and if I would have taken up everyone on their offers to buy me alcohol I probably would have wound up in detox. Not only did I stand out quite a bit but I felt I didn't have much in common with the guys there. A lot of them, no offense here, were stereotypically gay... they talk in a certain way, wear a certain brand of clothing, and like the same music... Not that there's ne thing wrong with that... i just wish there would have been more gay athletes at the bar... but apparently those are quite rare :(
I saw like two hot guys in the whole place, so that was discouraging as well.

So yea that was last weekend. This weekend I was hanging out w/ Aaron his gf and another friend. We went to see a movie downtown, bu then Aaron had to take his gf home, which is too bad cuz i haven't seen him in ages. but whatevs. So i was already in the city when my friend from last week, we'll call him Drew, sent me a text saying I should go out with him to the bars with him. So I figured why not... I'm a pretty open guy to experiencing things and wanted to see if it would be different this time.

This time was quite awkward... for one I ran into the guy who I made out with last summer... we said some polite words but then he like ignored me... not sure what that was about. I got offered more drinks from drunk men who I'd never be interested in. I would meet people who would start talking to me, obviously interested, and Drew was next to me and people would ask if we're together and he'd say no and then it seemed like they all of the sudden turned on him and tried to steal me awya from him... i don't know if i described that well... but it seemed like there was a lot of manipulation and keniving... a lot of talk that was said wasn't honest and was intended more to get into someone's pants than to actually get to know people... it was very weird for me. I'm an honest person and don't like it when people lie or put out an image of who they are in order to manipulate others... totally not cool. I'm sure this isn't completely characteristic of gay bars either... straight guys are just as intent on saying whatever it takes to get into a chicks pants.

When I was there this weekend I also got approached by this middle aged guy who has worked in the modeling industry and thinks I should be a model... he seemed nice at first and actually prbly had legit references to get me into the modeling industry... but after a while I felt creeped out and like he was trying to get into my pants....
I've also gotten offered money for sex several times online....
Damn, what won't guys do to get some...
I really thought finding someone I liked would be easier. I thought once I started looking I'd just find someone to go out with... it really hasn't turned out that way and it is kinda frustrating... but i think i just need to be patient and wait for the right person.

Alright
peace out

Jordy

A lot to catch up on

Hey there folks,
It's been a while, kinda fell behind in my blog. So much has happened in the last week or two that I have thought about posting, however I ended up not posting any of it because I got overwhelmed with how long I would have had to spend witting said post.

So I've decided to write about what's been going on but I'll be doing it in several short posts rather than a large one.

So... to catch you up to speed...
I've started dating guys and trying to get more gay friends. As of now the only real avenue I have of meeting guys besides walking into a gay bar is the internet, so I've been on some gay networking sites talking with people and setting dates/hang out times with.
I've decided that I really want to be in a relationship and I figure right now in my life is the perfect time for me to do so. I don't have the pressure of school and I'm free of a lot of people who would look down on me for dating guys. That being said i'm not just looking for anyone and won't be desperately throwing myself at anything with a penis... I suppose my standards are high when it comes to how guys look and, on top of that, a lot of the guys I have met so far I feel are (no offense intended here) more feminine. There's nothing wrong with that, i'm just not into it. Of the gay population there is probably a small percent I'd be into... which is fine, just means I need to be patient and really look around. It also means I need to meet more gay guys cuz they might have friends I'd be into.

so yea I've met three guys so far.
The first was kinda awkward, I met him through a friend I met on a social networking site. We went out to eat and just chatted He was a smart guy, med student, but I was not attracted to him at all... he just didn't do it for me--he wasn't as hot in person as I thought he'd be. He could be a good friend I suppose, but he seemed to be really into me... and I have this thing about how I hate leading people on and get really awkward when they're into me and I'm not into them... so I haven't really talked to him since last week.
I'll write about my second and third dates at another time...

btw i have a date coming up w/ a new guy that i'm pretty stoked for...

anyways peace out
Jordo