So, meeting guys is turning out to be way more complicated than I anticipated. Apparently gay guys can be just as big as, if not bigger, douches than straight guys are. So yea... where to start...
Last weekend I met this guy through the internet who seemed cool. He wasn't that attractive and I knew I wouldn't be into him, but he wanted to go to the gay bars. I had nothing to do that night so I figured why not and went with it.
The guy was a good guy and I think I'm making good friends with him which is good. He's smart and is a very knowledgeable person when it comes to the gay world, among other things.
As for the gay bar... I felt very out of place there. I was a lot more muscular and bigger than everyone there. I was getting stared at quite a bit and if I would have taken up everyone on their offers to buy me alcohol I probably would have wound up in detox. Not only did I stand out quite a bit but I felt I didn't have much in common with the guys there. A lot of them, no offense here, were stereotypically gay... they talk in a certain way, wear a certain brand of clothing, and like the same music... Not that there's ne thing wrong with that... i just wish there would have been more gay athletes at the bar... but apparently those are quite rare :(
I saw like two hot guys in the whole place, so that was discouraging as well.
So yea that was last weekend. This weekend I was hanging out w/ Aaron his gf and another friend. We went to see a movie downtown, bu then Aaron had to take his gf home, which is too bad cuz i haven't seen him in ages. but whatevs. So i was already in the city when my friend from last week, we'll call him Drew, sent me a text saying I should go out with him to the bars with him. So I figured why not... I'm a pretty open guy to experiencing things and wanted to see if it would be different this time.
This time was quite awkward... for one I ran into the guy who I made out with last summer... we said some polite words but then he like ignored me... not sure what that was about. I got offered more drinks from drunk men who I'd never be interested in. I would meet people who would start talking to me, obviously interested, and Drew was next to me and people would ask if we're together and he'd say no and then it seemed like they all of the sudden turned on him and tried to steal me awya from him... i don't know if i described that well... but it seemed like there was a lot of manipulation and keniving... a lot of talk that was said wasn't honest and was intended more to get into someone's pants than to actually get to know people... it was very weird for me. I'm an honest person and don't like it when people lie or put out an image of who they are in order to manipulate others... totally not cool. I'm sure this isn't completely characteristic of gay bars either... straight guys are just as intent on saying whatever it takes to get into a chicks pants.
When I was there this weekend I also got approached by this middle aged guy who has worked in the modeling industry and thinks I should be a model... he seemed nice at first and actually prbly had legit references to get me into the modeling industry... but after a while I felt creeped out and like he was trying to get into my pants....
I've also gotten offered money for sex several times online....
Damn, what won't guys do to get some...
I really thought finding someone I liked would be easier. I thought once I started looking I'd just find someone to go out with... it really hasn't turned out that way and it is kinda frustrating... but i think i just need to be patient and wait for the right person.
Alright
peace out
Jordy
Core memory unlocked!
5 years ago
7 comments:
Well,OK - my experience was in England and a year or two ago, but I'd say there were several routes that people like you might be taking which might mean that you could meet someone you thought was worth passing the time of day with.
1. Yes, gay bars and clubs. Do tend to be 'go with a friend' most of them and do tend to be entirely social or almost entirely for sex and one night stands. You need to know the place really to assess the chance of meeting someone who's as serious as you.
2. Established local gay social groups or campaigning groups who also go for a meal or a drink together. Can be a good place because you and they meet while you're doing something so there's less pressure and it's all more natural. But at least almost everyone's gay!
3. Friends of friends - still an astonishingly large number of gay guys find partners from among the people others introduce them to. If your social groups know you're gay and it's fully accepted the girls are likely to match-make for you if they get half a chance.
4. The internet offers all kinds of things from perhaps slightly restrained organised gay sites run by gay groups, local councils even (yes!) and others. Many are free - the ones who charge often include rent boys and male escorts among their offers.
5. Magazines. There are loads and loads of contact ads in the big glossy gay mags. They make a fortune out of men wanting to meet other men. And those advertising can't all be so very different from you or me.
6. Telephone services which advertise in the gay mags and elsewhere. Many guys do want sex immediately - but from the dozens in your area there will be some people like you.
Hope that gives you at least some ideas - but the other thing I'd say is that most people you meet will be fine as friends and maybe for a bit more (dependent on what you and they want) and the more gay people you know the more invitations there will be and the more likely it is that they'll introduce you to 'a friend' of theirs. Yes really!
I do not think you will find someone in a bar. Bars are for pick up and a meat market. If you are as you describe, no wonder they are all coming at you. I don't go to bars and know you can meet people and nice guys just about anywhere, but not in bars or discos.
I had the opportunity to go to two gay bars last week while travelling. I walked through each and scouted out someone to converse with. I saw no one that interested me and walked out without buying a drink.
I photograph a lot of young amateur talent (athletes, musicians, film makers, actors). While I am looking to find a buff body to pose, I am not necessarily trying to get in their pants. Not everyone has my scruples.
Good luck.
K
this is the sad reality of things. don't expect to find your life partner in a bar. it happens for some, but pretty rare i think.
better chance meeting decent guys on a sports team, in an organization, or something.
best of luck. don't be afraid to at least have some fun with those guys who dig ya ;) what harm could it do?
don't worry man. it'll happen when you least expect it. just do what you're comfortable with and everything will work out for you. have faith. :)
you should email me once you figure out all this out...I need to get a gay relationship going on too...lol
Good luck!
I head out to the warehouse district in Austin every month or two to go bar hopping, usually starting and ending at a few gay bars. I usually end up going with a group of friends though, so we'll just take over a corner of the bar or some territory on the dance floor and just relax and have fun.
I realized I do have a "gay bar" circle of friends now, sort of. I've run into the same 2-3 people the last few times I've been out.
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