Lately I've been thinking that it's about damn time that I come out... to everyone.
I'm sick of this half in half out of the closet bull shit. I'm already out to my parents and they still love me just as much as they ever have... so i figure the hardest parts over... maybe
I'm out to my mom and dad and several school friends, but i need to come out to everyone. Which includes Aaron and the rest of the guys from the team (at least the ones I am still friends with).
I can't live this compartmentalized and dishonest life anymore. I want to be authentic and gain a greater degree of transparency in my life.
I suppose the only thing that is holding me back is the nagging thought that I would loose Aaron, as well as other friends, if they really knew who I was. The fear of loss is holding me back....
speaking of Aaron and coming out... listen to these two dialogs I've had with him in the past couple weeks:
We were in the car with another one of our friends (who is pretty conservative)and we're talking about some girl the con likes...
then Aaron turns to me
'Jordo, so you think you ever wanna get married?'
'I don't know, kinda depends on if I find someone to get married to?'
'do you want a girlfriend?'
'I don't know'
Then he said with a completely straight face (no sarcasm I could sense),
'how bout a boyfriend?'
at this point I think I would have told him the truth if it weren't for the damned con guy in the car (who was probably quite uncomfortable at this point)
so i skimped out, 'I don't know what I want outta life right now.... [insert bullshit here].....'
then Aaron seemed to drop it...
k, here's another convo
I was over at his place and we we're talking about something random... i can't remember exactly why
then Aaron goes, "It's cuz you like guys isn't it?"
me- '....[insert long pause]..."
Aaron- 'it's ok you can be honest with me' [another pause] .. now jokingly he says " i see the way you look at _______ [ex roomie who i'm not attracted to at all]."
then i can't remember exactly what happened from then on out.
keep in mind that one of his roomies was in the room when he said that... damn roomies. I probs would have came out to him then if it weren't for his roomie.
but yea so how do you folks think he'll respond to me?
my biggest problem right now is trying to figure out how to come out to Aaron and the rest of my friends... like do i just bring it up in a random convo or do i set a dinner date up and prepare a speech. It's gonna be an awkward situation no matter what... even if it goes well. I just dislike the idea of having to plan or set up a coming out... i just wish it would happen naturally... or like some one would out me.
suppose that's a cop out... but it still doesn't help me figure out how im gonna comeout.
alright let me hear what you think
peace out
Jordy
Core memory unlocked!
5 years ago
10 comments:
Dont beat yourself up about this. I have been in the same situation many times and have failed to tell the whole truth.
I wrote a blog entry about it and the comments people left are worth reading.
http://thestateofthenationuk.blogspot.com/2009/02/three-little-words-i-am-gay.html
Jordy, I think you definitely should come out to Aaron. Just from what you've written, he seems pretty OK with homosexuality. I personally wouldn't do a whole speech thing, but do whatever you're most comfortable with.
Best of Luck. :-)
Its amazing that you came out to your parents and not to your friends...because to me, at least, the family and parents thing would be hella harder than to a friend...but with that said, I think from those convos, he kinda suspects?
I was in a similar situation (20 minutes ago...)where I was about to come out to girl who asked me if I was gay but this guy was there so um, look for the best time, I think.
I think Aaron has suspected for a long time. Remember the time he joked about climbing into bed with you way back in college, the time he held your hand, and other homoerotic things. I am not sure why he is confronting you in front of other people. Maybe he is one of those guys that is not sensitive to protocol.
Anyway, I really doubt you will loose him as a friend since he has been suspicious of your sexuality for awhile.
I think it would be best to have a one on one with Aaron. I think guys find it easier to talk when doing some sort of physical activity, or maybe a little drinking.
Jordan - my guess is that Aaron has sussed you out anyway.
But the truth is that you can't live with him not knowing (or with anyone else important in your life not knowing)you said so yourself: that's where you started the post.
One of your hardest jobs in telling Aaron is going to be explaining to him why you didn't trust him enough to tell him before.
He's bound to ask whether your parents know and who else knows and will surely wonder why he wasn't told back then.
The longer you put this off the harder it's going to be to answer that.
But just one small extra thought: if you're now ready to stop leading a double life where some people know you're gay and some aren't, then do you really want Aaron or anyone around who sees a problem with you're being gay as more important than being a friend of yours.
he already knows and he's trying everything he can think of to let you know that it's ok and doesn't bother him... you could at least get his weight off your shoulders and worry about everyone else later... imho
it seems he already knows and is perfectly fine with it. do it next time you two are alone.
Bit late to comment here but it sounds to me like he suspects, and as others had suggested, wants you to know that he's ok with it. Maybe next time he makes some kind of comment like he has been, tell him. That is unless there's other people there. Tell him soon though, or
it's going to be harder the longer you wait! Let us know how it goes:)
I think, in a way, unplanned is easier - when the moment is right.
(sorry for the very late comment)
You'll stress yourself out trying to plan, or make a speech, or anything. Although if you feel more comfortable having it all ready to go, thats fine too.
But like others said, if the moment is right, and he makes a comment again, (and you're alone) then go for it. I think definitely try with him first, rather than a larger number of people - hoping he responds positively (i assume so) then it will give you a sense of where to go next, who else, how else, etc.
And, if he IS a good friend, then he will accept it and be understanding - otherwise, he's really not a friend at all....
either way - whats the latest? keep us posted, and best wishes!!
if you keep withdrawing every time somebody else is around, it may never happen.
This chicken action is the only thing that really makes you the whimp you're afraid of being.
You should not care what anybody thinks exept for the ones you love.
You may have too much expectations of this Aaron guy: he's quite inconsiderate, bringing the subject up repeatedly in a joking matter when others are around. Don't give him that chance again! Justb say: don't be such a moron, I'll tell you when you're serious.
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