Crisis Averted

So, talked to Aaron yesterday, he seemed totally normal, so i doubt he found out... of perhaps he did and just doesnt give a shit. Still need 2 comeout to him tho, cant hide this forever, and I dont want to.

In other news I had a fun weekend... hung out with my friend dave who's gay and has a bf on fri night. It was chill we hung and went to the bars, nothing too eventful but good nonethless. Saturday was good too, worked out and relaxed then visited some HS friends. Sunday I woke up at like 11, did some errands, worked, worked out, then watched the game with dave and some other guys. Afterwards we went out to the gay bars and chilled. It was actually pretty fun, didnt really find anyone that I was into tho, so was kinda bummed bout that.
I hope you folks dont get the wrong impression when I say I go to gay bars because
(1) i'm not prowling the gay bars looking for a hookup and doing stupid shit to get in guys pants (2) I'm like definetely not the 'type' that goes to gay bars... like every time i go there people ask me if I'm straight, and sometimes its quite an awkward experience. To be honest the only reason I go is cuz now I've made friends who are gay and like going there. The friends I have made are legit and just guys... into sports, more masculine, and not the type of sleezbags that will take advantage of me. They're good people and its good to be around people I can feel honest around. They have good advice and watchout for me. These guys aren't really easy to find in the gay world, so I'm glad I happened upon them.

but yea, Dave has a bf named ben and, tho they have their issues, are a really good couple. They're insanely cute together and are both quite attractive. Cant say I'm not a bit jealous. Watching them be with eachother sometimes is good for me to see. The way they care about eachother reminds me that I'm not just looking for a sketchy hookup with a guy and would like someone there to care for, to hug, to comfort. At times I'm really close to just saying fuck it and going and hooking up, but my gay friends have all advised me against that and seeing that gay people can have stable realationships is pretty huge for me.
But yea watching them hug eachother last night reminded me of Aaron and how much I wished I cud hold him like that. It reminded that although I'm horny as fuck sometimes, that theres more to me.

hmm... in other news I'm up to 200 lbs of muscle and ran a sub six min mile last week.
I'm like in better shape than i have been in a while. I'm debating about whether or not i should play semi pro rugby or just get in sick shape for my own pleasure. I'm like addicted to working out, but wish i had a discipline to gear my training towards. I miss rugby and just team sports in general.

alright, peace and love folks,
Jordy