In regards to dating I've ran accross a sort of dilemma. I am conflicted between my desire for a long term commited relationship and my desire for umm.. physicality for a lack of a better word.
I'm at the stage of my life where I am starting to think more about my future, what I want to do, and inevitably who I can live it with (whether friends or lovers). Many of my close friends my age are seriously dating others and some are considering marriage, and I feel that I should also be looking for people I could potentially spend my life with.
But I have a problem with that...
I have no experience being in a relationship with another person. Hell, I don't even have any sexual experience. I'm pretty inexperienced all around and am not even sure what kinda of person I'm looking for yet. I'm definetely not ready to commit to someone in an LTR yet and think that doing so may be a rash decision given my limited experience.
I'm only starting to gain some of the dating experience that many of my heterosexual peers gained when they were entering highschool...
I have the emotional and life needs of a 22 yo, but the sexual and relational needs of a 15 yo... its not a good place to be... it means i have a lot of dating to do.
not only that... but I have a pretty radical fear of commitment. I'm scared of prematurely attaching myself to the wrong person for the wrong reasons. I'm scared of hurting others by being unfaithful and scared of being hurt in the same way.
I really want a committed relationship eventually, but I dont think I'm emotionally capable of having one right now.
But I dont just want to hookup with guys and become a slut, that's not my style either... I dont want sex w/o any sort of connection, I'd feel so gross about myself...
what do I need? Somehow I spose I'm trying to gain the dating experience I really should have had 6 years ago. But that's complicated by all sorts of factors... for example how slutty and deceptive other gay guys can be... the fact that most people seem to be interested in either really serious relationships or plain out be sluts... idk..
maybe i'm over thinking this thing. maybe i just need to find the right guy.
I'm pretty innocent for my age and really dont know what i'm getting myself into with the prospect of a relationship at this point.. but I spose I'll learn.
alright, I think this post was too long and rambly without any concrete examples, next post I'll talk about the kid who I dated several times and how he fell for me.
peace
Jordy
Core memory unlocked!
5 years ago
5 comments:
Dating can be a pain no matter how old you are.... I agree with you that you need teenage type experience to find out what kind of people you would be truly interested in. Could any of your friends hook you up with someone, that would be interested in dating but not a LTR?
Get the word out to all of your friends that you want to date! And then go out, if you dont click, you dont click. But, it is still experience, and it helps narrow your search.
Good luck!
This sounds a bit familiar.
My approach has been to keep doing what I was doing, but to remove the blinders, and be open to dating. I have a boyfriend now (as you saw, lol) but I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing, lol.
A buddy came out at the age of 32. He's taken the polar opposite approach from me. He's gone out and is just playing "catch up," hitting as many bars as he can, trying to build up as many, ahem, "experiences," as possible and figure out what he wants, what he likes, and so on. Granted he's had a string of international one-night-stands, but he's also built a small network of friends.
I'm starting to envy my buddy, but I'm deathly afraid of various STDs or ending up scattered across the country in 1" cubes, so I haven't. ;-)
Jordan, from the post about the group of friends going to gay bars and what you say here, I think you're doing very well. It seems to me that when you are ready for a commitment you'll know it. You'll meet someone you want to commit yourself to. Hopefully the feeling will be mutual; but it may not be with the first one you feel that way about. Eventually there will probably be someone. Meanwhile, being with gay friends at least somewhat increases the chances of meeting that someone.
IMO trying to force yourself into a relationship is unlikely to work. You can't make the right person show up. You have to wait for it to happen. But you're doing sensible things to improve your odds.
Also IMO, sex is the most intimate physical thing you can do with someone, and so I think it makes sense not to be engage in it just because you've reached a certain age and you think you need to catch up. Hold out until there's someone who's really important to you. (You know I'd want to suggest you refrain altogether, but I'm taking it for granted that you're not about to take that advice, so I'm just saying be true to yourself.)
I'm on the exact same boat as you are...this feeling of playing catch up and experiencing all these things later because of what society says...
BUT, the late blossom is almost always the best, you and me both. =)
i think you and i are or were in a very similar place. i only just recently lost my virginity. i'm slowly starting to realize that things will just happen when you're ready for them to happen. as you date more, you'll eventually get more comfortable and maybe you'll want to take things further more quickly and maybe you wont. maybe suddenly you'll find yourself just wanting to go for that random hookup. really, who's to say there's anything wrong with it. you're in your 20's, it's a time to just enjoy life and see where it takes you. there's absolutely no reason to find a life partner at this point. and hey, maybe you will meet that guy who you want to spend the rest of your life with. nothing wrong with that either. my advice, just keep doing what you are doing and eventually you'll find your way. :)
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