I thought I would post a quick update to give folks something to read. However it's late and I'm kind of drunk, so I'll keep this short...
a couple of things that have happened over the last couple days have really got me thinking about what it would be like to come out... here they are:
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Went out drinking with the HS buddies tonight. It's been a while since I've seen them. It was good to go to the bar, chat, and drink with 'em. But the revelry we had for old times sake is not my concern. We we're talking about our circle of friends and how everyone was doing and a rumor was brought up that one of my HS buddies had sex with another guy the other week. Apparently he did it just to try it. After a couple of jokes at his expense most people said that they really didn't give a shit but were more surprised than anything. He's had sex with gals too, so then we debated about whether or not he was gay or bi, or whatevs...
All this got me thinking... why the fuck don't i come out of the closet? my HS friends won't give a shit... hell they probably excpet it. i was kind of jealous of my friend who had reckless sex with another guy for no other reason than that it was so easy for him to tell other people about it. sSo yea i thik im gonna come out to my Hs friends soon.
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Yesterday heard word from my aunt that my cuz (the one who is gay and moved far away because of the way his family dealt with him) is coming back to town realatively soon. He's got a BF and they're visiting our fam and such.
I am not out to my cuz, but hearing that he had a bf and was coming back really made me want to reconnect with him. I've never actually gotten to talk with him about being gay, and never really clarified to him that i really accept him as a person and that i support his decision to have a bf. I think he always assumed that (a) i am straight and (b) i don't support homosexuality. Neither of these are true, and i wish i could let him know that.
I'm proud of him whether or not he knows it... coming back into town to be with his fam again and have his bf with him... that takes courage. In some ways i'm jealous, but more than anything i want to let him know that i'm happy for him and let him know i'm gay. maybe he could help me out????
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last night Chris and i were supposed to hang out but things fell through. I was gonna go to his bud's place and chill with them, and then, apparantly, we were supposed to go to ______ (a gay bar near where i live). Chris and his GF apparantly like going to said bar and were just gonna go to chill. At first i was really excited (even tho a bar isn't the best place to meet a guy and i had no intention of hooking up). i really wanted to just know there were other gay guys out there. but then our plans fell through, so that sucked, but whatevs.
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It feels like in general that i cannot make it through a single day without the issue of homosexuality being brought up for some reason or another. either it's in the news, a debate amongst friends, friends talking about other friends, family members, ect. It's everywhere. Every time I hear it talked about it pushes me one step closer to the edge of coming out.... and right now i can see myself looking over the edge about ready to jump out of the f---ing closet....
right now i'm not that scared... even to tell aaron. i just have this feeling that there are a lot of people out there who will accept me, and that it will work out allright.
my biggest worry is about my rents, but i'll deal with that another time
sleep beckons
peace
Jordo
Core memory unlocked!
5 years ago
6 comments:
When we're pushed to the edge, backed in to that corner, there's only one way out. I remember feeling that way right before I really came out. A talk with a friend cleared things up, it was either to deny what I was or to unapologetically be what I was (and yes, I just split an infinitive :P).
Now that you think of it, I don't think any of my hs friends would think anything of me being gay either. Something about growing up with them during that critical time, they're bound to have at least a hint.
IMO it would be smart to come out to your cousin - so you have an ally in the family. Best of luck!
David
I think I suggested this to someone else recently who was also tip toing around coming out here or there.
If U choose the first person oh so very carefully (and I guess your cousin & his partner may well be who you'll pick) then at least you've them to run back to if you get a bloody nose the next time U do it.
But if the second person's OK then there's two friends you can set on the next person who gives you grief. Build empirically - wow!
Oh yeah, and DON't split any infinitives whatsoever in the process. Just coz one has come out, there's no need to drop standards.
At least James had the good grace to admit it!
Hugs to you both.
Of course your cousin will be supportive when you come out to him, and it sounds as if your HS friends won't be bothered. Sometime, somebody will have a problem, but with supportive friends and relatives, you should be able to handle it.
Hiya Jordo,
I know how you feel about telling your parents. Can you trust your cousin to keep a secret?I'm sure he would keep your secret if you told him you are gay. As a gay man, he would know the score, and respect your privacy if you wanted him to. He sounds like a good guy to come out to, and be able to talk to. Good luck with coming out to your HS friends. Most of the people i know are co-workers, and that makes its a bit more touchy to tell them. Most would be accepting, but there are some who wouldn't, and i know this because of how they talk about Adam (my gay friend at work) behind his back. But, it's all about finding people to place trust in and support you. Every person you tell and who accepts you is one more person who you can talk to and get support from. All good things.
Much love,
DW
The possibility of your parents finding out that you are gay before you tell them increases with everyone you tell.......it's just a fact, especially your HS friends. It's highly likely that your parents will be aquainted with their parents and things get said. It's very difficult making the decision when to "tell" the parents, but basically you are an adult now, making your own decisions and it would be an adult thing to do to sit down and let them know, always remembering that it will be something new for them to deal with and it could take a bit of time. Mostly though, if you have had a supportive family upbringing they come around.
Sorry I got so wordy.
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