Lately I've been lamenting the fact that I am gay. Don't worry i'm not gonna go crazy and try conversion therapy or anything of the sort... I don't hate myself, i'm just remorseful about the seemingly gratuitous implications which follow the fact that I am attracted to men and not women.
First and foremost my homosexual desires seem superfluous in the grand scheme of things. Heterosexual attraction has a function, namely binding together a mating pair that they may continue the species... Heterosexual's desires are aimed at an important end, the continuation of humanity. Homosexual desires seem quite irrelevant to the preservation of the species, and even to the general well being of humanity... If everyone were straight it seems the world would function harmoniously. The reverse, that humanity would flourish if we were all gay, is simply not true.
It saddens me to think that these desires of mine, desires which I hold dearly, are seemingly aimed at no more noble end than that of my own happiness. I wonder why God would make me this way, for what purpose, for what end...
so yea... I'm curious with regards to my readers... especially those in homosexual relationship... what use or value does your relationship have? what purpose does it serve? (I'm not convicted that homosexuality is indeed a superfluous desire, it is just a sentiment which I am more or less afflicted by)
I suppose that something may be said in favor of romantic relationships as strengthening the fabric of society as a whole (regardless of the child bearing capacity of said relationships)... and it can be said that self fulfillment in personal matters (such as sexuality) enable us to live a more full, efficacious and mmeaingful life... however the thought looms over my head that homosexual relationships are more or less inferior to heterosexual ones in the their overall average utility... a heterosexual relationship can do everything a homosexual one can and more (babies!!!!)....which makes homosexuality seem to me to be some bizarre and useless evolutionary mishap...
i'm loosing focus and need sleep
It also saddens me to think that my desires really wouldn't enable me to have children... i mean i could adopt, but it wouldn't be the same...
and it makes me angry to think that being gay means that i have to more or less enter into 'gay culture' in order to find a partner... like i just wish i could keep living my life and i'd find mr right... i don't like the parts of gay culture i have seen and don't anticipate i'm gonna fit in well at all... arghhh......
anyways... it makes me wonder if I even want a relationship... what's the point? It seems like a lot of work and effort for something that is limited in its utility to others.....
alright i'll sleep on it...
Jordo
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5 years ago
14 comments:
Maybe your (and everyones) personal happiness and love is what matters to God, maybe it is what makes the world a better place and not reproduction. When you think of it from another side reproduction really is ultimately selfish. It's not like ppl have children because they're thinking of the continuation of the species, they're thinking of the continuaton of themselves and giving themself a purpose in life.
Also consider that homosexuality might have a purpose in the greater scheme of things since over population of the Earth is an approaching problem. But that's a bit more darwinistic view I guess...
Jordan,
Keep in mind that God is a God of infinite possibilities. You make think "Why did he make me this way" and think of only a few options, but it is possible that some Gay relationships or singles are not meant to have kids because they would be bad parents or not meant to because they are meant for a more meaningful purpose.
Also understand that God has provided much to the gay person, you could use a serogate or like you said adopt (which you would fall in love with just as your own child would).
Also, I personally belive that indeed some forms of evolution undeniably exist and that homosexuality was probably a very early evolution in some humans that modified us from the rest of the species. The genes just keep floating around through humanity but as they were still created by God, even if it is hard to find it...
They do have a purpose. :)
Lots of love,
Ryan
If homosexual relationships are inferior due to the lack of baby-making ability, then many heterosexual relationships are, as well, because not all straights are fertile. And, as Ryan pointed out, there's adoption and surrogacy. In fact, I read an article a few years ago about a company that had started in California specfically to match gay male couples with potential surrogate mothers.
Also, keep in mind that while the sexual desires of straights can produce new humans, there is no guarantee of this happening and many new humans are accidental and unwanted.
So what purpose do our relationships have? Well, for one, people in long-term, committed relationships tend to be healthier and live longer. Committed relationships help prevent the spread of STDs, as they don't just appear spontaneously. Committed relationships also help the stability of society.
If there is anything inferior about you, Jordan, it is your ability to self loath. You can absolutely drive yourself crazy comparing and contrasting the drivers of your personal happiness to some arbitrary standard set forth by our ancestors.
Learn to enjoy your journey.
In an overpopulated world, I think homosexuality serves a very good function in NOT creating babies. I'm sure there's many other reasons to appreciate and see value in homosexual relationships, but I am trying to be as practical here as you are. Idk, something to think about.
Jordan
What purpose do we have or fufil im not sure but if i beleive they premose god created me then i believe he had a reaosn for me to be here
take care and be safe
bob
"and it makes me angry to think that being gay means that i have to more or less enter into 'gay culture' in order to find a partner... like i just wish i could keep living my life and i'd find mr right... i don't like the parts of gay culture i have seen and don't anticipate i'm gonna fit in well at all... arghhh......"
Yeah, I'm actually annoyed by that too. I don't do clubs (that often), and I like being social more than going out and drinking to get drunk and dance. Some of the guys I've met are genuinely nice guys, while some are catty bitches. :-P I've told my friends "Just find me a regular guy that likes guys!"
So far, no dice, but it's only been a few months...
Hey hey. my two cents; If one's superiority and ultimate purpose in life was was primary linked to procreation . . .I have to say, I'm disappointed.
Maybe it's not so black and white. Maybe my purpose WAS to adopt and give a human being who otherwise may not have had a shot at a decent life, love and a home. Having a baby and giving life, intentionally or not, is awesome. But choosing to take on a life, and caring for that life when his own blood couldn't . . .Thats awesome too! Sounds purposeful to me, and I think God would dig it.
Another awesome post! Of course, as you said in your previous post, selfless love is what is most worthwhile, what gives value to life; and homosexuals are certainly capable of having that sort of love toward one another. But when a sexual component is introduced into the expression of that love, then the questions you ask arise.
You raise the question of why God would make you gay, but I want to suggest that, as with many other features of life in this fallen world, homosexual attraction is there only by God's permissive will, not his creative will. In other words, it is not part of his plan for perfection; it was not so "from the beginning" when he created them male and female and commanded them to be fruitful and multiply.
You certainly don't have to participate in any parts of the "gay culture" which you find unattractive or wrong. And you may well find somebody to love in a nonsexual setting. A guy I worked with met his partner in a bookstore. So live by your standards.
Pleasure is the aim of gay sex I guess along with intimacy. I would hate to see a hetrosexual world, it would be unbalanced.
There's much more to a gay relationship (like a hetrosexual relationship) than sex. Love, companionship, understanding, support, a whole mryad of things.
I have met most of my partners through friends not on the "gay scene" as such.
Hugs,
A x
I occasionally lament being gay. For selfish reasons, really. It has excluded me from the joy of bringing up children, and from all the institutions of society which have families and children at their heart. But it has not excluded me from the joy of sharing my life with my partner and enjoying the mutual love and support that provides.
Love is much more than the glue which binds mating pairs together. It is the vital energy which sustains human society at all levels: family, community, nation, globally. My sexual desire and my love for my partner are part of that.
Sexual desire is universal and homosexual desire is simply a part of that. It has been part of every human society. If homosexual desire had a negative impact then natural selection would have weeded it out long ago.
I chose to become a teacher partly to compensate for what I lost in being gay. The chance to give to other people and to be part of the growth of a new generation.
I am reading your blog for the first time.
I really do not know what to say about your post today.
Belief in God means believing. It does not mean understanding. Every thing was designed for a reason, God's reason, not ours. We can not understand even ourselves, how could we understand the vastness of God's plan? You were built for a reason, a design that we will never know. Nature is a large and complicated tapestry, and yes we are part of that tapestry of nature, how can we know what it would look like if we pulled the gay/bi out of the weave? If you look at it from a biological point of view, since gays can not reproduce, it should have been bred out of our genome a long time ago. But, no it is still here, and in every pocket of population, no matter how isolated they may be. So, there is some biological reason for people who are gay/bi, we just do not know what. As a built in protector against overpopulation? Not real sure of that, kinda think not. Most of nature seems to be built on the plan of procreate, procreate, procreate! Why would just one species be different in this regard? That just doesn't make biological sense.
You are as you are meant to be. You are as you were built and designed by God. Our job is to live with what gifts we have been given and to make the world a better place. How to make the world a better place? That is for each of us to decide.
I hope I helped you to feel somewhat better. Relax and try to stop struggling in your bonds. Life is what we make it. Make yours happy!
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