After I told my mom I felt really sick: my knees were weak, I felt dizzy, had a huge headache, and wanted to vomit.
I think it was simply from the adrenaline rush telling her gave me.
It was also because my coming out to her tonight was as big as a surprise to her as it was to me. That's right, when I woke up this morning I had no intention of coming out to anyone... and tonight my parents know.
I know she reacted well but still... huge shock even to me.
I was really shaken up earlier tonight so I called my old roomie Jeff and told him what happened and that I needed to hang out. So we went to a late night dinner and talked. It was good.
Among other things we talked about me coming out to Aaron, he said that he thinks Aaron wouldn't care at all and that he would still be my friend. I also told him about my crush on Aaron and he was pretty cool about it. He suggested that I just don't tell Aaron that right away. So yeah, Aaron's next on my coming out hit list.... it's like I'm building momentum
oh and as a side note i came out to one of the people that works in student life today as well.....
I don't know what got into me, but this long feeling like shit, eventually I had to just be like "fuck it all I gotta be honest"
so yea that's where I'm at
still gotta talk to pa, little nervous, but not as bad as I was before....
oh and here's the letter my mom wrote me after she told my dad
_________________________________________________
Dear Jordan, I told dad....and we both want you to know that we love you and always will. Eventually, when you're ready, dad would like to speak with you in person. At this point, we are not planning personally on telling anyone, even ______ [aunt] and ______ [uncle]. It will happen with time, but it's not really up to us to decide when or how at this point. I'm glad that you told me, really, and I hope that you can start feeling some relief from the mental angst that this has obviously been causing you these last few year. I guess I don't really know what you might be thinking about right now, but please don't see your last four years as a mistake. You have learned, you have grown, through the hardship, and through the pain. I guess I don't know what else to say.....except that I love you. You are still, and always will be, my precious son.
MOM
_______________________________
gotta love moms,
Much love
Jordo
Core memory unlocked!
5 years ago
19 comments:
You gotta know I cried when i read this and your last post. Much love from here...
You know your life is going to change. And I can identify with the momentum thing, but just take it slow, and keep it natural okay?
And yeah, you gotta love moms.
Hugs
Sethy.
That letter is sooooo gorgeous!! I came out to my mum over the phone>>> not even on purpose either! lol I know how your feeling right now. I was feeling sick for the rest of the night :S
No doubt this will have lifted a great weight off your shoulders! Hope your feeling better
B xo
You have a wonderful mom. I'll keep my fingers crossed for the next step.
brought tears to my eyes...*hugs* i'm so proud of you my friend.
much love,
dw
Definitely a defining moment of your life, and a good one at that.
I really hope this helps or resolves the depression, if it doesn't go away or if it returns, use the same courage and seek help.
Now that the parents know, that should reduce the fear, after all many of your university friends will fade away once you graduate and relocate.
I doubt Aaron will be that surprised. He has known for a long time that you have not dated girls. I wonder now if his homoerotic behavior wasn't just a playful way of telling you he is cool with your sexuality. I guess we will find out, pretty soon. Good luck.
Jordo
go give your mom a hug she is wonderful and i think the convo with Dad will go well. Yo have climbed the biggest hill in your life and now while there will be small hills ahead its really all down hill form now on
i am so proud of you and i agree with mom your last four years are not wasted, you have a degree and your headed to grad scchool. Keep life rolling ahead and stay strong.
thankyou for sharing this strory i am sure it will give courage to others
take care and be safe, hugs
bob
More tears here...what a wonderful response.
You are out now and life will move ahead. In six months time you will look back and it will seem like a different world.
lump in throat - what a great mom - she's right about the last 4 years not being a waste - it will take time but you will discover how much you learned and grew from the experience
Incredible, Jordo, but I am not at all surprised!!!
In our IM convos you told me so much about mom, that I recognized my mom in her. All along I thot she was signaling to you that it was OK. And we all need to remember that rents typically share their concerns about their precious kids. They r hard-wired that way. Among our gay friends and acquaintances, it is the mom that helps dad get it together if he has "issues" with a gay son. AND, moms/wives know how to do it in ways we can hardly begin to understand.
I hope all your visible and INvisible readers will notice that mom had suspected what your "issue" was, but she left it to you to tell her in your own time.
Another thing I hope readers notice is that not all coming out stories are so initially wonderful.
It is not at all uncommon for parents to need time and space to process this new aspect of their son. But whether the acceptance and love is immediate or delayed, it is more and more typical for parents to "come around" and realize that their son is still the same wonderful boy he always was. Besides,how longs does it take the typical gay guy to accept himself?
I'm pretty sure Aaron will be fine too. If he is str8, gay, bi or just hot for his friend Jordon, he may need support from you to figure it out and realign his reality. If he has feelings for you, this may push things along in ways he may not be quite ready for. Give him time and space if he needs it. If he confronts you and asks if you have a sexual attraction to him, don't lie. But you can "spin" things deftly... As in, "Well, Aaron, what is most important to me above all else is your friendship. What's not to like about you? [smile] I'm gay and I notice attractive guys. But you are a lot more than a cute guy next door. You are my friend above all else, and the rest we can work out as time goes by."
I did LOL when I read, "I don't know what got into me, but this long feeling like shit, eventually I had to just be like 'fuck it all I gotta be honest.'"I hope you are proud. I sure am.
Hugs!
steevo in cali
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Hey... congrats on taking that huge step. Your family sounds great! Just imagine now how things can go at family gathering with the (eventual) partner in tow now.
And btw... I've managed to come out to about 1-2 people a week since I took that initial leap of faith in my friends. Even random people, now. It's like I've put myself on some sort of mental quota. It's actually been fun. ;-)
What did I tell you about a mother's love for her son? Hmm? :)
Haha, this is making me cry...I'm really happy for you, and proud of you.
-J
aww that was sweet! :)
from what you've shared with your mom's reaction, you'll be fine with your dad.
much luck and love,
david
Made me cry dude...I'm sure it will all be good.
Welcome to the Rest of Your Life, J!
As several good guys have said - it'll never be the same again coz now you've been honest with your mum & dad (as a couple)and so there's no going back into the closet.
Three weeks after I came out to my mum she 'flat sat' for my b/f and I while a man chopped a bit off the front door so's our new carpet fitted OK.
It's marvelous what's suddenly possible! Even the most mundane things don't have to be re-arrenged! U can start (almost) to live a normal life.
You just happen to be gay!
Hooray!
(Most) parents love their children unconditionally - I am glad yours do.
Well done on taking a brave step.
G =]
little tear in eye
Love,
Tigs.
Congratulations, amazing, and powerful! Its such a huge first step - and you landed successfully on the other side. (ha ha now you're joining us on the dark side LOL j/k).
It's great that your Mom took it so well, and hopefully your Dad also. I think you will find it easier the next time, and the time after that - but don't rush off or feel pressured, let things come in their own good time.
Don't regret school or anything. You can't go back and change the past, just have to move forward (wish I could follow my own advice) - and keep pushing ahead. Besides you've come through this giant hurdle in good shape.
Also - at some point perhaps you can look into an organization like PFLAG if they have one near u, to give you and your parents a place to go for support, education, and understanding.
Again, congrats, and good luck! :)
I'm really happy that things went so well for you with your parents. By now you've probably had that conversation with your dad. I'd be very surprised if it went really badly, since your mom said they both love you no matter what.
I've read a few posts on coming out, but this one really tugged at my heartstrings. It was your mum's letter that touched me. She sounds wonderful!
I'm not a crier, but just this once, I'll let a tear out - a tear of joy. :)
Congratulations!
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